youre lurking in front of me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
