yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
