so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
