Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
