New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
