The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
