he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
