Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
