i think i have two assholes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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