And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
