I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
