Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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