cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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