I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
