Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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