Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize