How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
