I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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