Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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