This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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