i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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