Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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