i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
