We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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