I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
