6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
