just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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