i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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