So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
