I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
