I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
