She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
