Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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