READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
