Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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