call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
