Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
