Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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