Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your shirt... Was in my pants
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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