So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
