theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
