Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
