did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
