Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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