I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
