I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
