I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
