please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
