half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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