Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize