he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
