I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
