Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
