She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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