i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
