Jerry, you need to find god
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
