He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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