I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
