Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
