dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
