Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Drake has all the answers
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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