I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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