Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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