I need help removing her.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
