So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
