I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
