i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
