I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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