tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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