Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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