3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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